Can you build lasting love in a relationship in this day and age? We say that yes you can and here we give you some tips on how to make your love last. What you cannot do however is to base your relationship on what you see on TV or in the movies. There are many different love stories there but few of them are real. More often than not, in the movies they live happily ever after. Sometimes, the story line will have them go their separate ways where they fall for someone else.
In real life in this modern world Boy still meets girl. She looks good to him and he looks good to her. Their eyes meet and instantly, there is a connection and they conclude that it is love at first sight. They are together for a while and then the magical feelings of being “in love” fade. They find that they have nothing in common with each other and just what did they see in each other in the first place?
That was a simple attraction (and sometimes lust) and has nothing in the world to do with this thing called real love. Real love is something very special and should not be taken lightly. Often real love does start with a simple attraction. A little chemistry is needed there but if it is all chemistry and nothing else, then there is no way that it can last.
Let us suppose that you do indeed love someone with all your heart and he or she also loves you with all their heart, how can you make it last? Is it a matter of finding the right person, or being the right person? Men and women are made very differently and it does take a little understanding of that to make a relationship work long term. We will talk more on that another time.
How To Find A Love That Lasts
To find a love that lasts means that you find them in your everyday life. If you find them doing the things that you enjoy doing, you will start out with a common interest. The person with whom you develop a love relationship must have some common interests with you. There should be things that you enjoy doing together as well as things that you each enjoy on your own. You should share common values and ethics. You should have some common goals on what you want to do with your lives. Have you ever heard someone say that they love a person but does not like them? There is something very wrong there. If your lifestyle choices are too different you may run into problems somewhere down the road.
The feelings of being “in love” can come and go many times in a lifetime. The way that the movies would have you believe is that when you do not have those intense romantic “in love” feelings then your relationship is over. That is far, far from the truth. Unfortunately, many people have bought into that way of thinking and go looking for someone else with which to have those feelings again. A young lady may be crying that she loves him and does not want to hurt him but she does not have those “feelings” anymore. Or it could be the guy who is thinking that she just does not excite him the way that she used to do. Their relationship has become boring.
Hello! Can I wake you up to something? If you have a wonderful love relationship with someone you can make it last for a lifetime. However, it is like a beautiful flower that you have planted and watered and tended to. As long as you continue to give it tender loving care along with just the right amount of sunlight, plant food and water, it will thrive and give many beautiful blooms.
However, if you have had that flower for a while and you start taking it for granted and expect it to keep blooming but you neglect to see that it gets the right amount of sunlight, food and water… what happens? The flower withers up and dies.
It Starts With Your Heart…
Many relationships start out as a conquest but once that conquest has been won, the interest fades and people start to take each other for granted. They see each others faults and they don’t look so good anymore. First, you must remember that there are no perfect people. So if you are looking for one, it is a lost cause. Besides, if you found a perfect person, would they want you?
Unless someone starts to inject some needed attention to that relationship, then it will wither up and die just like the untended flower. But for relationships, there is still hope. There are a lot of things that affect relationships. Money, kids, power, differences in values, personal habits, differences in what you want out of life, and attitudes… many more things. Most of those things should be taken into consideration before you allow yourself to get in too deeply in a relationship.
If you want a long lasting relationship, it starts with your heart but you must also use your head. Before I say anything else, let me make this perfectly clear, you have to be yourself. You cannot scheme your way into a lasting relationship. If you try to do something that is against what you are about, then it simply will not work.
Real Love Is Different
If you truly love someone then you will love them more than you love yourself. That means that you will be unselfish and give sacrificial love. If you only love them because of what you think they can do for you then that is not real love. It might be self love but it is not a real true love for the other person. If you want a relationship to work then you must be completely committed to making it work.
There are too many marriages where couples simply decide to try it and if it does not work out then they will get a divorce. That is not acceptable in our opinion. Marriage is sacred and should not be entered into lightly.
Glenda once went with a young man who was everything that a girl could want in a husband. He looked nice, he had a good job, He gave her nice gifts and wanted to marry her. She really wanted to love him and in a way she did. But she did not love him with that special kind of self sacrificing love that you need to be able to make a marriage work. Without that it would not have worked. She could not marry him. They broke up and later they each married the ones they were meant to be with. Both of those marriages lasted until death do us part. Were they perfect marriages? Of course not, they were not perfect people but they made it work because they were committed to making it work. They each had to make some compromises for the other.
Now then, how do we make love last? If you are in a real love relationship, it is easy. You just tend to it. Never take one another for granted. If you do, then there is someone out there who won’t and will leave you wondering what happened. You must each be considerate, give each other enough space to be their own person but always take some time to do things together. You should make it fun and exciting just like you did in the days when you were first attracted to one another. To make it last, you have to simply make the commitment to yourself and to each other that you will do the hard work to make it last.
The day will come when she is no longer as pretty as she was. He will probably snore, get a big belly and maybe pass gas… a lot. There will be some habits that each will have that get on the other’s nerves. They will each develop friendships with other people that are not to the liking of the other. Someone else may try to move in on your territory. How will you handle those things? Will you make the mistakes that many people do such as:
- Will you fight and argue and try to get your own way?
- Will you call each other names and degrade one another?
- Will you make sure that she knows who is boss… or
- Will you tell him that you don’t care what he thinks?
- Will you believe your friends over what he has to say?
- Will you make her feel like your friends are more important to you?
There is a better way. Instead of tearing each other down, Build each other up.
- Will you remember to always respect and give honor to the other? A disagreement is simply that and no disrespect should ever take place in a loving relationship. No name calling should ever be allowed.
- Will you each take the time to listen to what the other is saying?
- Will you each take into consideration how the other feels and make concessions?
- Will you take the time out of your everyday lives for some special time together?
- Will you each be truthful and maintain your trustworthiness?
- Will you each do those little things that you know he or she especially likes?
- Will you each commit to making the other as happy as you possibly can?
Making love last is not a mystery, but it does take some work. If you are willing to work at it, then you can have a relationship that others can only dream about. It is about selflessness, dedication, and commitment… not about finding that perfect person for yourself, but in being that person for the one you love. Those feelings of “in love” may diminish over time. That is just chemistry. They usually do fade, but if you do things right, they will be replaced by something else that is even more special and exciting… a deep, true, everlasting love for someone who truly is your other half.