Real Friend or Fake Friend – Which Would You Choose? Surprisingly, there are a lot of people who substitute real friendships for fake ones. Real friends are true friends… people who will be there for you when you need them. Fake friends are those who are friendly acquaintances either in person or online. You really do not know them and they also do not know you. There is no substance to the relationship.
There was once a 42-year old woman who posted a suicide note on a very popular online social media site. She had desperately pleaded for help and attention. This woman had many thousands of “friends” on this online social media site, but not a single “friend” came to her help. Later, the authorities found her body. She had ingested a fatal dosage of pills.
Yes, we can add hundreds, or perhaps thousands, of social media network “friends” by simply adding their names to our online or computer contacts. Just as simply, we can terminate our friendships with any, or all, of these “friends” by deleting their names from our list. This is the “magic” of our technological advancements today… Or, is it?
A Friend But Not A True Friend
As the story above illustrates, it seems that true friendship is eluding many of us in today’s society. It is not very surprising that a recent survey has shown that, despite people socializing more than ever before, the number of true friends they really have is diminishing fast.
Jay says, “I know first hand of a classic example of an individual who has many online “friends” and yet, sadly enough, is one lonely individual. She is the single over-50-year-old daughter of one of my widowed friends. Due to her economic circumstances, she came to live with her mother and disabled younger brother a few years ago. She does help out around the house and with her brother, whenever she is in a good mood and wants to. However, the bulk of her time is spent communicating with her some 3,600 online social media friends.
It was surprising for me to hear a response she gave me to a question I asked her recently. I asked her ‘Would any of these online friends of yours ever raise a hand to help you in any way besides just chatting with you online?’ She said, ‘Of course not! Why should they? They are only my online friends.’ Well, that short reply told me everything I wanted to know about her “friends” in such a large number.
So Many Friends And Yet Lonely!
Unfortunately, she does not have a single in-person friend while living with her mother. Nor does she have any of her in-person friends communicating with her from where she lived before. She claims that she has all the friends she could ever need online. She really believes that her online “friends” are the only friends she ever needs. She tells me, ‘It is so much easier to deal with online friends because I can get rid of them quickly whenever I want to.’
Well such is the nature of online “friends” and the role they may play in our lives. You might agree that there is a lot more to friendships than that of online “friends” some of us rave about… “Friends” that can quickly appear or disappear by a quick click of a keyboard of a computer or smartphone device.”
How To Find True Friends
So you may ask, ‘What must we look for in a friend? How can I be a good friend? What does it really take to have a long-lasting friendship?’ We will present you with four guiding principles to help you be the type of person others would want as a friend.
Show That You Sincerely Care
A true friendship involves commitment. A true friend will always feel a strong responsibility toward you and cares about you. Naturally for this type of friendship to work and last, the commitment must be a two-way friendship… One that demands working hard at it and making many sacrifices on both sides… One that requires humility on both sides.
For the fruits of such a friendship are plenty and worthwhile. Are you really willing to give of yourself, your time, and resources to be a friend?” Just keep in my mind, to be able to have a good friend, you first need to be a good friend.
Just like a small plant, a new friendship requires a lot of time and care to grow. Prove that you are a good friend by being generous in showing real affection and personal interest. Sacrifice whatever you can whenever your friend needs your help without expecting anything in return. Only then will you be building a true friendship… Like the small plant that would grow into a large and beautiful blossoming flower for one to enjoy.
Be An Effective Communicator
No true friendship can possibly grow without regular two-way communication. When talking about the various interests that you share, make sure that your friend knows that his or her thoughts are important to you. Always listen attentively to what your friend has to say, while showing respect for his/her points of view.
Do not second guess your friend. If you are not clear about something said, done, or written by your friend, always ask for clarification before responding. When appropriate, give a commendation or encouragement. Whenever your friend may need your advice, or even correction that may not be easy, but when it comes from the heart in gentleness, it is much easier to take.
A true friend should be able to express his/her opinions freely without getting upset if you don’t agree. A loyal friend will always have the courage to point out a serious fault and offer sincere and tactful guidance. True friends will tell each other the truth about everything… They always have each other’s best interest at heart.
Have Realistic Expectations
Naturally, the closer we become to our friends, the more we will notice each other’s flaws. That is simply because none of us, including you and us, are perfect. It makes, therefore, common sense not to expect, or ask for, perfection from our friends. This also applies to the people we are just beginning to befriend. Why not just cherish their virtues and make allowances for their possible shortcomings and mistakes?
If you think that is hard for you to do, then take a good long look in the mirror… If you see a perfect image, then you won’t have any true friends and will have to be satisfied only with your online “ fake friends”... Like the lady mentioned above. On the other hand, if we recognize that we are not perfect either and make mistakes, we will then be able to forgive others for their mistakes and shortcomings. Never keep count of your true friends’ mistakes… Be humble and forget the mistakes they made quickly and without allowing any ill feelings to enter into your mind and heart… Seriously!
Expand Your Circle Of Friends
We are all careful and selective in the type of people we want to know and become friends with. Right? However, this practice should not limit our selection to only a narrow preconceived parameter. We should allow our selection to cover people of all ages, gender, upbringing, culture, nationalities, appearance, and more… It is only then that we can really enrich our lives.
It is much better to widen your circle of friends with variety so that it can better mature you, make you more outgoing, and more adaptable as a person. You may want to think how boring and dull your life would be, after a while, if all your friends were to be just like you?
Don’t Give Up On People You Meet Today
Some people do indeed seem to insist on being left alone in life and do not have any friends. So what do you do when you come across such a person in course of your day? Do you just ignore them? Do you try to start a conversation? Or do you not even notice them because they are not “your type”? Well, I am sure that we may have all experienced a little bit of each situation at one time or another.
Perseverance Is The Key
Jay has a short story to share that will perhaps shed some light on this topic. “I once worked, as a Customer Relations Manager, at this communication company in a cosmopolitan city. The company employed about 200 full-time employees at this location. They all had at least one computer on their desks and there were several IT Specialists to maintain and keep them in tip top working condition. One of these IT specialists, whose name we shall call ‘Mike’ for now, was a real computer whiz – but hardly ever said a word to anyone. He was in his late 20’s and always presentable in appearance.
When I joined the company, I noticed that almost everyone at the company had learned to just take Mike for granted and not talk to him. I tried but failed to find out why that was the case and he did not speak to anyone. So I started to be proactive by acknowledging him and speaking to him without expecting him to respond. This went on for almost 18 months.
A Surprise Transformation
One Monday morning, when I came to work, I realized that my computer was not starting. So I called the IT and asked for someone to come and check it out. Mike showed up in my office. I greeted him with a pleasantry and with genuine respect. Mike looked at me with this piercing look and finally said: “Why are you the only one who always talks to me? Why are you so nice to me?” Well, my jaws almost dropped to hear him say that.
I said to him because he seemed like a nice guy and very intelligent guy and I wanted to get to know him better. Mike then started to talk to me in length as he began to fix my computer. To make a long story short, Mike had been with the company for some years and no one had ever treated him with respect. He was apparently treated like an IT servant and not a human being. For that reason, Mike had decided to just do his job and ignore everyone else.
As you may have guessed, Mike and I became good friends. I honestly have to admit that Mike turned out to be one of the nicest people I had met.
True Friendship Is A Long-Term Investment
A few months after our friendship had started, Mike became more sociable and talkative to others at the company. I tried at every opportune moment to share with Mike my life experiences with the many colorful people I had dealt with in my life. I truly wanted Mike to benefit and increase his knowledge of people and widen his horizon.
I was surprised when the company Vice President came to me and asked if Mike would be a good candidate to take over the IT department for the company. I told him that Mike is the ideal candidate for the job and the company is fortunate to have him… Mike got the promotion and handled his duties like the true professional that he was. He also managed to be voted the employee of the year by all company employees and management.”
So, what is the moral of the story here? It is simply that a true friendship takes a lot of respect, patience, encouragement, humility, sacrifice, and constant nurturing to develop and then fight to keep it…
Real Friend Or Fake Friend?
There may be many people whom you call friends. Are they real friends or fake friends? Fake friends may be easy to get rid of but they also don’t really care about you anyway! Real friends walk in when all the others walk out. Real true friends will hold you up when you can no longer stand on your own. True friends make life worth living.
Life is always better when your friends are true caring friends. I’ll bet these two are saying,”Remember when?”
Remember that to have a friend, you must be willing to be a friend. A real true friend can last your lifetime.
Don’t give up on people today. Because they could just be your best true friends tomorrow!